Hi and welcome to this week’s installment of Me? A Model?

I have to be honest with you guys, I’m not feeling very modelesque this week. Unless of course we’re talking about one of those stunningly handsome yet masculine types who would be modeling something tough and rugged, like…spurs or…boxing gloves.

Gone are the laid-back, carefree days of my youth (well, for now); this week I have had to dig down deep inside to find the ferocious, devil-may-care hound who has only shown his frightening, striking mug a few times before (like here).

Women, cover your children’s eyes. Men, cover your women’s eyes, and then cover your own eyes. It’s about to get real.

The time: Just the other day
The place: My cushion, but also all over the house
I’m feeling: Ruthless. Protective. Barbarous. Nervous.

Our house has been under attack all week.

I know, it’s terrifying.

Chrissy and Justin have been trying to play it cool but I can tell that they’re inches away from emotional ruin. They keep talking about “painters” or something but I don’t have time to stick around and chit chat, I have a trespasser to deal with!

It all started on Monday when I strolled into the guest room to creep out the window like I usually do and I just about keeled over…there was a MAN right outside! On the second floor! I don’t know how he got there but believe me when I tell you that I let him know what’s what.

Normally mere mortals flee at the sound of my thunderous bark but this hooligan just stayed put! And he’s been slinking around outside ever since! No matter how many times I holler at him or stare daggers out the window or unleash my feral growl, he just keeps coming back! He leaves at night so I take that time to work on my scowl, rest and replenish so that I’ll be on my game when he comes back.

I’ve also been watching this video on a loop; although it’s not specifically about my current situation, there are some real parallels and it helps to keep me focused.

That being said, I admit that I may have met my match with this one.

Don’t think that this means I’ll be giving up. Nay, just the opposite! I’ll be pulling out all the stops until this scoundrel runs for the hills.

Wish me luck, dear friends, for I am about to take part in the battle of a lifetime.

(This is where you say “Godspeed, Brody. Godspeed.”)